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15 October 2009 @ 11:33 am
So I'm up .5 lbs because I decided it would be ok to binge on halloween candy since boyfriend was...bad bad bad! I will do better today!

lunch: grilled cheese - 105 cals
dinner: grilled cheese - 105 cals
snack: jello - 40 cals

Total: 250

I think I can live with that...I just need to stick with it...no more binging!!
06 March 2008 @ 03:52 pm
 weight: 149.5

but I got my hydroxycut today!! can't wait to see if there are results tomorrow.

todays intake
coffee: 80 cals
3 enviga: 15 cals
english muffin: 130 cals
dinner: 187.5 cals

total: 412.5 cals
03 March 2008 @ 02:26 pm
 well today is a lost cause....but tomorrow....tomorrow is a new day....bring me closer to what I the person I should be!

1 cup chicken and rice: 375 cals
total: 375 cals

salad: 187.5 cals
      1 cup lettuce: 7.5 cals
      6 croutons: 30
      2/3 cup chicken: 110 cals
      1 tbsp. dressing: 40 cals
total: 187.5 cals

1/4 cup eggbeaters: 30 cals
1/2 english muffin: 65 cals
1/2 cup dinner: 150 cals
total: 245 cals

as for friday who knows what will happen....if we go out to dinner I will get a salad (probably about 450 cals plus a couple beers) but if we stay in I will make myself the salad that I'm going to make on wednesday.

I really want my hydroxycut to get here....I know its not going to be a "miracle" fix, but its got to be better than the cheap shit I'm taking now. 
I'm not going to weigh myself until I get the hydroxycut because 1) I've been doing awful and 2) I want to see what kind of results I get with them.

anyways I'm going to go do some laundry and the dishes and vaccum and then watch some one tree hill and wait till this horrible day is over.

Current Mood: blahblah
01 March 2008 @ 11:09 am
weight: 148

needless to say yesterday was awful! I was at 400 cals and going to stop, but definately did not handfuls of jerky (probably around like 900 cals), 8 or 9 coors light (1000 cals), 2 shots of tequila (200 cals), 2 cookies (170 cals), grilled chicken salad and garlic toast (600 cals)

thats 3270 cals

no wonder I'm up 2.5 lbs!!! god I'm a fatass!! and its close to that time of the month...arrggg!!! I can't wait till monday and I can start fasting again!! I just hope I can stay strong and only have a little dinner with my bf later....but thats it....nothing else...I need to at least maintain 148 till monday...I would say I'm going to try and lose but with Rob around thats pretty much impossible....

I will stay strong. I will stay strong. I will stay strong. I will stay strong. I will stay strong. I will stay strong.

no more than 600 cals today.
29 February 2008 @ 01:15 pm
I've binged AGAIN! so far today(and keep in mind its only 1:21 pm):

3 enviga: 15 cals
18 croutons: 90
english muffin: 65
2 cookies: 170

total: 370

that was almost my goal for the whole day!! damn damn damn! and my bf just called and he wants to go to lunch in the 45 mintues! bah!! maybe I'll just get a dinner salad with no dressing...that will be prolly about 50 cals....prolly less than that but just to be safe I'll over-estimate....and then later he'll want dinner so that will be about 195....so that will make my total like 615 cals....oh my Lord....gross....well I will make today an 800 cals day and then tomorrow 600 and sunday 400 and then monday I'll start my fast again. I'm so mad at myself and my bf....pretty much the world. 

I just want to be thin....why can't I be thin????
Current Mood: angryangry
29 February 2008 @ 10:05 am
am weight: 145.5

thats up .5 from yesterday!! I'm freakin out, but I can fix this. I am going to come up with a solution...right now. 
So I just took a green tea pill and a duriex and at 3:30-4pm I will take another green tea pill and a duriex. As for food....I don't know yet...I'm debating about breakfast....

yeah I think I'll go ahead and have some breakfast to decrease my chances of eating more than I want today.

Today's Plan

3 enviga: 15 cals
1/4 cup egg beaters: 30 cals
1/2 english muffin: 65 cals
my special chicken and rice dinner: 250 cals
snack: 18 croutons: 90 cals

total: 450 cals

So even if I do end up eating a snack I will still be under 400 cals for the day and for exercise I'm going to do 250 jumping jacks and 300 crunches and possibly my carmen electra strip workout.

That should do the trick to get rid of my fuck up. I hope.
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
29 February 2008 @ 12:00 am
 so here I am laying in bed and I can't sleep! all I can do this think about what a fatass I am! I was doing soo good....feeling great and then bam 3 cookies and a bunch of wheat thins and cream cheese later,,,,
Instead of my nice like 400 cals...I'm probably up to like 800 or 900....YUCK!!!

why can't I ever stick to it? I had better be 145 when I wake up...if I gained anything I will have a meltdown!

I have to get down to 130 ASAP!! Actually my fatass would happy with anything between 135-139 anything to get out of the 140s...I will be out of the 140s by next week....mark my words....whatever I have to do I am going to do it!!!!

alright I guess I will try and go to sleep....hopefully it works this time....tomorrow (well today actually) is a new day! I will be better!!
Current Location: Bed
Current Mood: grumpygrumpy
27 February 2008 @ 10:46 am
so yesterday I was 150.5 and this morning I was 148....2 lbs from my goal of being 146 on Friday. Yesterday I had 3 envigas (15 cals), coffee (80 cals) and 3 bites of dinner (50 cals) I really shouldn't have eaten since I am fasting, but it did keep Rob from yelling at me more....so 50 cals for peace in the house...worth it...I guess... 

so far today I've had 1 enviga (5 cals) and a coffee (80 cals) not too bad...and I have 2 more envigas to drink (10 cals) so that will put me at 95 cals for the day...all liquid....and hopefully I can get away with not eating dinner...I'm going to tell Rob that I had too much coffee today and my tummy doesn't feel good and then I'll have some tea so the growling doesn't give it away....if he insists on me eating I'll make a 1/2 cup of rice which will be 100 cals....so even if he makes me eat I'll be under 200 cals for the day.

As for tomorrow...I hoping for 146.5 on the scale...and assuming I can stay strong I'll keep the fast up, but I don't want to fuck up my metabolism too much....so maybe I'll eat a little tomorrow...less than 300 cals...maybe an english muffin (130) and 1/2 cup of rice (100)....just have to see what tomorrow brings.
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
25 February 2008 @ 02:21 pm
All I have to say is thank goodness its monday....a fresh start! The weekend is over...and I'm back to restricting!  I have got to lose 15 lbs before St. Pattys day....and thats not going to happen if I keep eating. no more food!! this week I'm going to restrict to under 500 cals with 2 apples everyday...which leaves 340 cals to do what I wish with. I hope this works....it has too....

mon. weight:150
gw for fri: 146

sacrafice means giving up something good.....for something better...